As published in The Florida Villager.
Zooming Out
You lose quite a bit in a divorce. You lose finances, friends, possibly family, possibly your home and life as you knew it, but one of the biggest things you lose is perspective. All you can see is your present moment and let’s be honest, it’s not looking good. You are dealing with a sundry of deep emotions, completely overwhelmed, worry is your constant companion and when you look in the mirror, you don’t like what is looking back at you. That person is not the person you remember. This person looks tired and haggard. The diagnosis is loss of perspective.
Before you roll your eyes, understand I write from a place of experience. It’s far easier to let yourself tumble into the perceived abyss than to constantly remind yourself that this too shall pass; that takes energy you don’t have. But here’s the kicker, if you can zoom out and remind yourself to see the bigger picture, you will have more energy.
When you zoom in you only see a small segment of a bigger picture and you focus on that. When you zoom out, you see the full picture. Here’s an example. Let’s say you are hiking and taking pictures and you happen to zoom in on a rock. That rock has brown, ugly moss on it, it’s craggy and misshapen but when you zoom out, you see the total picture which is a beautiful landscape with mountains, blue sky, green grass, tall majestic trees. You realize that one rock is only a small part of a much more beautiful setting. So is your life.
This present time and the devastation you feel from your divorce is that rock. Take the time to zoom out and see what else is on the horizon for you. Attend to what needs to be done to move forward in your divorce but don’t focus on it. Focus on zooming out. What else is going on in your life during this time? A child’s birthday? Graduation? A promotion at work? A weekend away with friends? These are all memories you won’t get back, so be in the moment and focus on the good things that are happening.
Along with zooming out, stop rewinding the film. There will be a time when you will want to go back and revisit shoulda, coulda, woulda’s, we all do, but now is not that time. Now is the time to zoom out, see past the craggy rock and be happy with the person looking at you from the mirror.