Last month I introduced you to The Heartbreak Hotel and the feeling that we are destined to be lifelong boarders there. “Not true,” I said and being a woman of my word, I am here to show you how to begin check out.
First, let’s talk about this hotel room you have checked yourself into. Everybody needs a place to retreat to because it makes us feel safe but at the same token, you don’t want to take up residence there. Allow yourself some time to feel the hurt and pain but then get up and get out. This step will require you to force yourself, but it needs to be done in order to gain emotional stability. Remember, you were a whole person before him and you will be one after him.
Step 2, as much as it would bring you pleasure to hear your friend tell you what a schmuck he is, in the long run it will not move you forward. During this time, you need to be around your trusted friends and positive people. Negativity only breeds negativity. Seek inner strength and peace. Whether it is God, Buddha or whatever the Divine is to you, seek it out.
Step 3 is all about taking care of yourself. Sleep, exercise, eat well and pampering is a must. Make yourself get up in the morning, notice I said morning. No hibernating in the hotel room with the shades drawn. Get dressed and put that makeup on even if you don’t feel like it. You will be surprised how much better you will feel getting out of those yoga pants. Do not fall into the pit of shopping, food, alcohol and most definitely, respect yourself when it comes to sex. It is only a quick fix and as much as you are convinced you will feel better after a romp in the hay, it will do nothing for your self-esteem. Only self-respect will boost your self-esteem.
We just addressed your outer self and now Step 4 is going to address your inner self. It is so important to be aware of your self-talk. We can be so hard on ourselves; I dare say we would not talk to our friends or children the way we talk to ourselves at times. Not only watching what we are saying but also where is our focus? After a split, our focus tends to be, “What is he thinking?” “Does he miss me?” “What do his friends think?” “I hope he is miserable!” Take your focus off of him and put it where it belongs, on you. Along with monitoring your self-talk comes being aware of not playing everyone’s all-time favorite, the Blame Game. I’m not saying he didn’t hurt you in some way, but to continue to ruminate on that hurt by blaming him is robbing you of the lesson you need to learn through all this.
Right in line with self-talk is the mind games we play with ourselves. I would be lying if I said you are not going to think about him and the relationship ever again, but when you do, be honest. Don’t romanticize the relationship. There is a reason you are not together, so remember the negatives as well as the positives. Don’t lie in bed at night and think you might get back together. That is wasted energy and only keeps you stuck. At present, you are not together and if that time comes, you will think about it then.
As usual, I have run out of my allotted space, so please check back in with me next month as we look at a few more things you need to do in order to be on your way to a shorter stay at The Heartbreak Hotel.