I remember when I got divorced, all of a sudden, life was broken down into 2-time frames, BD (Before Divorce) and AD (After Divorce). What I didn’t realize then is that there was a third time frame called the
Before Divorce life was easy to establish on the time continuum as it was all those years and memories before the judge stamped my papers. After Divorce life amounted to all the time after I left the courthouse, but nestled in that After Divorce life was the In-Between Time. This was the time in-between me figuring out my new life and the time in-between getting from point A to point B in all aspects of my life, whether it be health, finances, work or relationships. These times were the hardest to navigate because I felt like I was in limbo, I didn’t feel safe or secure in my new world and it was just plain scary.
After talking to my friends who had gone through those times, I realized that the in-between times were going to be my new best friend. However, now that that fact was established, what was I going to do about it?
Here is my road map to not only navigating that time but coming out better for it.
- 1. Follow your star. Don’t get discouraged if things aren’t happening as fast as you want them to. Have a plan, stick to it, don’t give up and hang in there!
- 2. Stop rushing. Be in the present moment and remember, that when you rush, mistakes can be made and regrets formed.
- 3. Give up control. Commit to memory the Serenity Prayer.
- 4. Ask yourself one question. “What can I learn from this?” There is a lesson in everything that happens and it is important to be self-aware.
- 5. Embrace the season you are in. Don’t view it as just getting through it because you will be doing yourself a huge disservice. All time is precious, even the frustrating In-Between Time and should not be wished away.
- 6. Strive for ways to have a peaceful life. Re-examine what brings you joy, a peaceful soul and a smile.
- 7. Use this time to your advantage. Get in shape, take classes to enrich your knowledge base, purge your house, take a trip, foster friendships or volunteer.
Carving out a new life for yourself doesn’t have to be a dreaded experience. It can actual be a time of fun and excitement but that will depend on your attitude. You have to go through this time regardless so you can make it positive and to your advantage or you can be miserable, frustrated and come out “worse for the wear” as my mom used to say. That is your choice and no one else’s.
Everyone’s In-Between Time is going to be different so please don’t compare yours to your friends. In fact, take comparisons out of your repertoire all together. I’m not just talking about comparing yourself to others, I’m talking about comparing your BD life to your AD life. Nothing will hold you back and contribute to your sadness more than doing that one comparison.
I stand behind the words Michael Bublé sang in “Feeling Good”
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
And I’m feeling good
I’m feeling good.
And trust me, you will feel good!