The Power of Acceptance in Divorce
Divorce comes with a multitude of challenges, some you can control, some you cannot. It’s a time of change and your reality has shifted. How are you going to deal with this shift? Are you going to resist it or accept it? What you can control is how you choose to see things during this time of your life. How you react to them will determine how quickly you move on.
Accepting what is and not what you want it to be is one of the most difficult stages of divorce. Acceptance entails giving up that blame, resentment, the longing for what was or what you had hoped for and any regrets. When you resist your reality, you are making the process more difficult. Surrendering yourselves to what is before you and giving up the resistance and fear will make the next step easier, clearer and gives you freedom. Once you can accept what is and stop hoping for what was, you are allowing yourself to open a new door and move forward with a renewed sense of hope and the ability to flourish in what awaits you.
Acceptance isn’t just about your situation; it is also about accepting yourself. Playing the blame game, beating yourself up and dwelling on past mistakes is a waste of energy. In divorce, there is a place for reflection, so that you can evaluate what transpired that got you to the divorce table and your role in it. However, that is different than living in a perpetual state of self-blame or the dreaded mantra of “I wasn’t good enough.”
Sometimes, I think accepting ourselves and our humanity is harder than accepting our situation. It’s amazing to me how good we are at beating ourselves up and being our own worst enemy. Why is it we can show others more compassion than we show ourselves? Through your divorce, make the choice to be intentional with how you treat yourself. Acknowledge your mistakes but in the process of taking responsibility for any part you played in the breakup of your marriage, accept the good, the bad and the ugly and choose to love yourself in your humanness.
In life we have choices and accepting your reality is one of the best choices you can make. The more you resist and hang on to the past, the more you will suffer and the greater the pain will be. The trick to less suffering and moving on quicker is to accept where you are, be grateful and choose to enjoy the journey. What I am suggesting is not easy and it takes a conscious choice and commitment but the sense of peace that will develop is worth it.
This is no time to be looking backward. There is nothing there for you; all that you are lies ahead. What you expect, you will receive. Become the master of your mind and not the victim of your thoughts.
Here are some tips on accepting where you are:
- Develop an attitude of faith
- Be grateful for what you have
- Keep things in perspective; just because this specific time in your life is hard, doesn’t mean you have a hard life
- Empower yourself with daily affirmations
- Don’t stand still, keep moving
- Be patient with yourself
- Work on letting go of past hurts so that you can embrace life more joyfully
- Take one day at a time. Don’t get overwhelmed by the big picture. Look at today only, get thru today and deal with tomorrow, tomorrow
- Seek support from a divorce group, therapist or life coach
Remember, this time will redefine you, how it redefines you is up to you.